I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
BRING THE BAGELS
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