and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have fence marks all over my body
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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