I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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