you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
