bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
