At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
