Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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