I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
