I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
