i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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