i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
