I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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