i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize