The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
