I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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