I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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