I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize