I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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