I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
