Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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