My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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