you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
