How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
