I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
