You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
