all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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