Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm like, not good at living.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize