I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
