sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
