Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
