Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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