it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
