Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
