Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
