I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize