when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
