I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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