Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
