I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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