This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
