I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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