i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize