Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My bed smells like the plague
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
