Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If I die, sorry about rent.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
