oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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