you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
