i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
