Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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