I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
