i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
