Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
