Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
