Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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