So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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