haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Your dad touched me again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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