Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
