that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
