When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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