So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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