ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Me too!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
