I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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